What is Love (Part XIII)

Love is what life is all about…

Love is what life is all about. Love is a unique blend of energies shared by two individual souls. Some believe love is a choice or something we fall into, but I would have to disagree. However, there remain numerous types of love in life and not all are as easily understandable, discernable or defined as some of the others.

The first love we experience in life is usually with our prime caregiver (mother, father or other) and has the basis of dependence heavily influencing it. As we grow older we learn to appreciate or resent these individuals depending on the circumstances and dynamics of the family unit and each individual.

Our primary family is where we learn how individuals love each other and it will be through that example that we will tread hesitantly into the foray of love outside the family unit.

Friendship love is based more on a sense of companionship and compatibility. We learn through the loving relationships with our friends what our boundaries and our weaknesses are. We share secrets and learn trust and begin to understand how relationships outside our family work. We also learn the lessons of betrayal and sometimes rejection. By the time we reach the teenage years we feel we are ready for the excitement of our first real love with a partner.

First love (or puppy love) is both confusing and exciting all at once. Coming from an age where emotions were simplified and not as vast, we are now treading into a cornucopia of new emotions not yet experienced adding to the intensity of that first love. As we venture in to the world of autonomy, our first real love offers us the affection and sense of purpose and belonging we have begun to lose through the disengaging we must go through to reach independence from our primary source of love, our family.

Somewhere through that first puppy love experience we may also grow to learn, respect and honor, altruistic love. Altruistic love is that selfless love we feel for mankind in general and the welfare of others we may feel no love (as we have come to define love) for at all.

“Eventually we will make our way through the ups and downs and eventual demise of our first real love and venture out into the world” (Sukeem, 1998, p. 127). Hopefully by then we have maintained our familial ties of love, our friendships and a sense of confidence and self esteem that is often lacking in those teenage years.

Finally we are ready for adult love.

I often wondered, as I am sure many have, why we instinctively gravitate towards some in life and not others when it comes to love. The easiest explanation I have been able to conclude and simplify is that some things are just meant to be, some loves simply meant to share.

Just as we immediately and instinctively love our children, we can immediately feel a connection of some kind with certain individuals. We often call this connection "falling in love", and as those feelings of friendship, compatibility, commitment, shared goals and dreams permeate our thoughts and feelings, we begin to plan our future together. The foundation and strength of this love will be what determines our future happiness and that of any children.

Although love is complex, partly because we create that complexity, it is the foundation of all our relationships in life. It is the driving force behind kindness, charity, friendships, marriage and family. We can choose to honor and respect that love, or we can choose to abuse and neglect it.

Love is kindness, commitment, loyalty, respect, warmth, comradely, shared experience, devotion and so much more. It is the feeling of relief when you learn a loved one is okay, the feeling of passion for your partner, the feeling of protectiveness for your children, the feelings of concern for friends and strangers alike and the force in life that will one day overcome all the anger, hurt, pride, jealousy, materialism and so much else.

Love is what life is all about.